8 years of wedded bliss

Eight years ago Jay and I embarked on this marriage journey together! It was a beautiful fall day, much like today, only warmer. It was one of the most fun days of my life and I cried when it was all over. Many of you were there to celebrate with us. I can honestly say that each year of our marriage is better than the last. I still love Jay as much as I did when I married him but what I thought love was on our wedding day has changed as we've grown together.

I married Jay for many reasons that still hold today. But when I married Jay, I wasn't thinking about what kind of father he would be, what kind of roommate he would be, what kind of partner he would be. I was "in love", romantically, and thought we would be just fine with that. I distinctly remembering feeling like we were 100% prepared to be married.

I had a rude awakening our first year of marriage. It was hard to live with someone for the first time--there were a lot of mundane duties to work out. And then there was the financial stress of Jay getting laid off. We began fighting a lot--before we were married we would fight but it would be dignified. Not at this point. There was a lot of swearing and storming out of the house (mostly on my end). It got to the point in that first year that I was seriously contemplating getting out of the marriage. I just couldn't take it anymore.

I was driving home from the cabin in August after the wedding. I was crying a lot and listening to sappy music, feeling like my marriage was over. And then, I'm not kidding here, I feel like God spoke directly to me and told me to get over myself and make it work. I had to let go of the resentment and anger I was feeling and open myself up to Jay and fight for our marriage. When I got home from the cabin, we sat down and talked and basically agreed to turn the page. Move forward, don't look back. That is a principle that has served us well. Don't hang on to the bad stuff from the past--don't bring it into the future with you.

Thankfully we were able to repair things without much more than that agreement between us. We started communicating effectively again and things were great by the time we hit our one year anniversary. A lot of people say that their first year was a honeymoon--not so for us. But I feel like the struggles of that first year taught me a lot about staying diligent in my marriage and showed me that we can overcome the struggles that come our way.

That isn't to say we have a perfect marriage every day. We still have disagreements and frustrations but they've never driven us to the point we were at that first year. I was very romantically in love with Jay on our wedding day. On our 8 year anniversary, I am in love with Jay on a very different level. He is the best companion, partner, father, provider, Svenomenon band member, kitchen fixer, and electronics guru that I could ever hope for.

I recently put together a scrapbook for our wedding. As I was searching for stuff to add, I kept coming across quotes about love. None of them felt right to me because what I feel for Jay is so much more than romantic love. I think what I feel for Jay is committment. I feel like romantic love ebbs and flows, changes with your life stage. But the committment that I feel to Jay and to our marriage is what keeps me going. It is what keeps me striving to be a good wife and a good friend to Jay.

Jay, thank you for marrying me and being a great partner on this journey!