dude acts like a lady

Took the kids to the gym today. When I went to pick them up, Ethan was having the time of his life playing with another boy his age. He begged to stay for a few more minutes so I obliged. I watched him play with this boy for about 5 minutes. They were running and throwing balls and basically just being boys. Then Ethan lobbed a ball at his face. Oops. Ethan immediately said he was sorry because he knows you aren't supposed to throw balls at faces. The kid growled at him. Yes, he growled. Then he ran to get a worker to tell him that Ethan threw a ball at him. Then he pouted even after Ethan apologized again.

Just to be clear, Ethan should not have thrown a ball anywhere near this kid's head. He knows that. I know that he wasn't trying to be malicious and hurt this kid. I blame this more on his lack of throwing ability than anything else. He doesn't really show the seeds of athleticism just yet. I also blame this on 4 year old boys that just play rough and tumble---that is what they are supposed to do, right?

I am just getting fed up with these kids that feel the need to go rushing off to find an adult to tell on someone who has done something mean or hurt them. I get that we should be teaching our kids not to do mean or hurtful things. We should teach them to say sorry when they accidentally (or purposefully, for that matter) hurt a peer. But we should also be teaching them how to accept apologies. Ethan apologized to this kid but that didn't stop this kid from telling on him. How is that helpful in this situation? Is this a kid whose mom treats every bump and bruise as a near fatal injury? Or is this just a sign of our culture feminizing our boys? I don't know.

I don't want my kids to be tattle-tails. I don't want them to make every little event a major deal. I want them to learn when it is the right time to tell an adult about something that has happened and when it is the right time to accept an apology and move on. Someone bumps heads with you while you are both roughhousing? Apologize and move on. Someone punches you in the face and then laughs? Go tell an adult and make the kid apologize. Kids MUST learn these lessons or they will never be able to get along socially with their peers.

The child center worker didn't even bat an eye when this kid told on Ethan. I was standing right there and asked Ethan to apologize again. He did and the kid ignored him and walked away. I should point out that this kid was in no way injured. This was a soft play ball. I'm glad she didn't make a big deal about it. I talked it over with Ethan in the car and I think it was okay. I now understand that teaching to accept an apology is just as important as learning how to give an apology.