confessions of a mean mommy

"You're a mean mommy!". I seem to be hearing that a lot from Ethan these days. He usually says it in response to me saying that no, he can't have M&M's for breakfast or that no, I will not take him to Target to buy a new toy (apparently the fact that Christmas was less than a month ago escapes him).

In response to being called a mean mommy, I tell him that my job as a mommy is not always to do what will make him happy. He doesn't get this, and sometimes neither do I. It would be so much easier to just give in and quit the fight. Almost daily I find myself teetering on the edge of giving up. Yesterday he told me, quite forcefully, that he hates me in front of some of my friends. Yikes. That hasn't happened before. I wasn't sure exactly what to do (I know what I would've done if there were no witnesses! Just kidding.) so I just told him that it is not okay to say that and that it makes mommy sad to hear that. He apologized later, which I do feel was sincere. I know he doesn't really think I'm a bad mommy. I just think he gets so angry when he doesn't get what he wants. It is that he wants it---that is the only thing that keeps me from giving up. If I give up, he wins. And he will continue to act like this and become an adult that I can't stand. And I love him too much to let that happen. I guess I'd rather fight the battles now rather than later.

I haven't blogged in a while...mainly because we have been hit with illness after illness lately. Both kids are on their second rounds of antibiotics for ear infections. Ethan had a fever for a week and now has a sinus infection. Olivia, besides being crazy, is starting to ooze snot all over the house. Oh, and did I mention that we leave for Florida in 10 days? I am very much looking forward to getting out of this house and for my kids to be able to run around as God intended. Minnesota in the winter months is a hard place for little kiddos. I see the older boys that live behind us out sledding almost every day--they can actually stay out and have a good time. Olivia can't move in all this snow and Ethan is so skinny that he turns purple after about 3 minutes.

As long as I'm continuing with this down blog, I might as well add more to it. I'm feeling restless lately. I'm wishing I could work more. I need a break from the day to day with these kids. I love them and I am so thankful that I have the ability to stay home--don't get me wrong about that. But I miss feeling like I am good at something. Most days I feel like I am really sucking up this parenting thing and my kids will pay for it later. I miss seeing my friends. I miss getting out of the house. I know I can go out anytime but sometimes it isn't that simple. Some days I just can't stomach the idea of getting everyone dressed, bundled up and in the car, only to go out and deal with the tantrums and the whining. And I'm trying to save money these days so going to a mall or Target is just a bad idea.

On the bright side, I had a great time at book club last night and am thankful I have a monthly date with those women. We are a lively bunch and several of us (myself included) have strong opinions that we aren't afraid to share. I always come away fulfilled and glad that we had such good discussions.

Ethan is in the kitchen asking for Cheetos for dinner. Here we go again.