Rehab update: Week 2

If you are keeping track you will note that this should actually be week 3. I had to rewind a week to make up for the 4th of July holiday weekend, which ended up being 5 days long. I wasn't able to stick to my workout plan. I did, however, with the help of many wonderful people, move 5 tons of river rock, 8 yards of mulch and lay 300 feet of landscape edging. It was a hugely ambitious yard project that extended to three days instead of the one I assumed it would take. The end result is wonderful though! The food aspect of things didn't go so well either--we were so sweaty and dirty that we opted for fast food instead of healthier options. So week 2 is being repeated. Today is the start of week 3 for me.

Not seeing much change. I'm feeling a little discouraged but am trying to calm myself and not expect results already. I'm still sticking to my workouts but am starting to feel a little bored with the treadmill. I might need to mix it up with some videos or something. Would it be wrong to leave my kids in bed and go for a bike ride? ;)

I know it will take time to make a real change. I also think my metabolism is jacked up from this past year of gall bladder drama. It will take time to straighten that out, I'm sure. The good thing about not being on Weight Watchers this time is that I'm not obsessed with food. I don't really think about it much at all, really. That doesn't mean I always make the best choices but I'm doing pretty well. It is just so different that being on Weight Watchers. I used to forgo "good" food in favor of crappy food. I used to try to see how much junk I could eat but still stay within my points. Now I don't feel so restricted and am making better choices.

Now I just need to see some results!!!

Rehab update: Week 1

I'm a week in on this journey and I must say, I feel FANTASTIC! Seriously. I am actually a little surprised at how good I feel. Getting up at 6:30 each morning to exercise is by no means easy, but once I'm up I feel great. I've been watching movies while on the treadmill and am currently working my way through the Indiana Jones trilogy. It keeps me entertained and when I check my time I usually find that I am almost done with my workout!

I've found that I am better equipped to be a good mom on the mornings that I get up early to exercise. I've had time to wake up and feel like I am more alert and less irritable. I do take a short cat nap in the afternoon while the kids are sleeping but it is only about 30 minutes.

I've been off the juice (diet pop) for a week now too! I do have a cup of hot chocolate in the morning that is supposed to have the same amount of caffeine as a cup of coffee. But that is it for the day. I was drinking 3-4 cans of pop throughout the day so I'd say it is a big change. The weird part is that I have not had a single headache this whole time! Doesn't mean I don't crave diet pop like Amy Winehouse craves crack but so far I have withstood the temptation. I do salivate a little when I see the cooler of pop at Target but I just charge on by. I did have a small cup of Sprite at McDonald's because I needed some bubbles. But I don't have the same addiction to Sprite that I do with diet pop so I think that was okay. I would never buy Sprite to drink at home.

Not eating at night has been good. I never realized how much I snacked at night! Not drinking alcohol has helped too. I tend to snack a lot when I am on the sauce.

So I don't know if I've lost weight but I feel like my body has changed a little. Probably not noticeable to anyone but me but I can see a small change. My body is getting stronger but it will take a while for that to show since there is a thick layer of insulation that I need to burn off first!

I am thrilled to be one week into this and still going. I've never been this committed before. Thanks to all for the encouraging comments you posted. I appreciate the accountability I feel just posting this stuff. Holla!

Time for rehab

As many of you know, I struggle with my weight. I guess I always have to a certain extent; however, this past year has been the worst it has ever been. I haven't lost anything since Olivia was born. I've tried Weight Watchers, which has worked great in the past, but this time I had no luck. I've tried all sorts of exercise products and read books on it. But I have never been able to sustain my commitment longer than two weeks.

I also feel a sense of desperation about my weight. I feel like I need to lose 3 pounds per week and get frustrated when I don't--the frustration leads me to feel like a failure which leads me to make bad choices. I feel embarrassed that I am still so heavy a year after having a baby. I feel like I am dangerously close to slipping over the edge of permanently turning into an unhealthy mom who wears dirty clothes all day because she just doesn't care anymore.

I was at a garage sale last week and picked up a book for $1 by Bob Greene, who is Oprah's trainer. Please know that I don't care for Oprah and could care less about that fact but I only point it out because I feel like it gives him some credibility. Anyway, I started reading this book and suddenly things became clear to me. Before he even says a word about eating or exercising, he talks about getting emotionally ready to lose weight and get healthy. Most of the other books I've read talk about following some crazy diet and exercise program--none of them had ever mentioned being emotionally ready. So as I read this book, I took notes. I wrote down the thoughts that came to me when I read particular sections of the book. What I realized was that my emotions are heavily tied up in this weight issue. I never have thought of myself as an emotionally eater. But when I really started to think about it, I totally am. I don't eat to cover up pain from traumatic experiences or anything--I eat when I am bored. I eat when I want to celebrate. I eat when I feel like I have failed at eating well! :) That is whack.

So I have finally decided to do something about. For real. It's like rehab for me. I'm committing to it because I want to and because I feel that this is the only way to change my habits. It has only been two days but I'm feeling great. I signed a contract with myself. There is no penalty if I fail other than having to live with that knowledge. I wasn't planning to post this on my blog but when I started thinking through the reasons, I realized that I was embarrassed by my situation and that I didn't want others to know if I fail. So right there I saw that I HAD to post it on here. I can't be giving myself safety nets and leeway.

Here is the contract that I have posted all over the house:

I commit to:
-regular exercise, according to plan (I've been getting up at 6:30 AM to make this happen)
-self control with regard to my eating (being conscious of what I am eating/drinking)
-not eating after 7 PM (this one has been hard--I never realized how much I snack at night!)
-not drinking soda (this was my idea--I have a hard core addiction to diet pop and it makes me crave crappy food)
-drinking at least 48 ounces of water daily (I've been drinking more like 80!)
-drinking alcohol no more than once per week (this will only be on Saturdays)
-eat simply to satisfy my nutritional needs rather than my emotional needs
-not stepping on the scale for 12 weeks

You may wonder how I will see progress if I don't weigh myself. I tried on a pair of jeans (size 14) that are very tight. I will try them on from time to time to see if there is any change. Seeing the numbers on the scale does not motivate and I've realized that in the past, I've been obsessed with the numbers rather than general health. So this time I'm aiming to be a comfy size 12 (for starters).

So that is the plan. And here is the horrible number that we can hopefully look at with shock in 12 weeks: 197 pounds. My current weight as of yesterday. Ew.

I will keep you updated on my trip to rehab!