a plum deal

Go to plumdistrict.com in the next 7 hours and sign up for online cooking school! I signed up and am super excited. I unfortunately lack the most basic of skills--how to cook chicken, how to saute veggies, how to bake bread. I am looking forward to trying this out. $50 for a whole year's worth of access to the content!

for sale!

I am selling a pair of Skechers Shape-ups. I wore them just a few times on the treadmill--they look brand new! They are size 9, colors are gray and pink. I joined the barefoot revolution (more on that later) and no longer need these. I'm asking for $50 which is over half off! They retail for $109 right now. Could be a good Christmas gift for someone?

job description of a mom

I heard this at MOPS this past week and thought it was fitting! :)

Position: Mom, Mommy, Ma

Duration of Position: The rest of your life!

Job Description: Long term players needed for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in faraway cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

Responsibilities: Must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf (this time). Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute and an embarrassment the next. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap plastic toys and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but always be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout facility.

Possibility for Advancement & Promotion: None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills so that those in your charge will ultimately surpass you.

Previous Experience: None required. On the job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

Wages & Compensation: You pay them and offer them raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 with the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

Benefits: No health or dental insurance, pension, tuition reimbursement, paid holidays or stock options are offered. However, this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, free hugs and kisses for life. It is one of the most rewarding things you will ever do and is an investment in eternity!

it's not me, it's you

Do you get frustrated by the crappy drivers out there? Some days I can ignore it pretty well but other days make me seethe. But of course, I am never a crappy driver--right? ;)

I'm pretty sure that isn't true but I do try to follow the rules most of the time (except that irritating speed limit one). Today I nearly got broadsided by a guy who decided it was his turn to go (it wasn't). I put my hand up as he drove past to say "Dude, seriously?" (no, my middle finger was NOT extended). The silverhaired gentleman did the same to me as he roared past. Which then of course makes me wonder why he seemed to think he had the right of way. Maybe he knew he didn't and figured he could intimidate me into not going. It worked.

Everyday I make a vow to myself as I head out in my car--I vow to just ignore the stupid people around me and not take it personally. It has yet to actually work but it is a good start, right?

sweat condition nine

Louwsma dictionary entries of the day!

1. sweat condition nine: to panic; feel pressure

Jimbo (a.k.a. Chicken Little) was in sweat condition nine when he realized he only had seven days to drive to the Grand Canyon! Lucky for him, it only takes two days. :)

2. If you're not in shape, you might as well just die: a statement regarding the importance of maintaining physical fitness

"Boneheads, I tell you what, if you can't do whatever you want to do anytime you want to do it, you might as well just die", Jimbo exclaimed.

3. Most Scenic Highway in America: description of any highway in America that may or may not be scenic

On many childhood road trips, Jimbo would holler to us kids to sit up and look around at The Most Scenic Highway in America we were currently driving on. I just wanted to get back to my Walkman. :)

bite me?

Is it possible to become immune to the itchy bite of the mosquito? I used to get chewed alive every summer and itch like crazy. However, I've noticed in the last few years that although they land on me and bite me, I never actually get any itchy bites. What's up with that? Alas, my poor children are not so lucky. I had to reassure people a few weeks ago that Olivia was just bit up, not suffering from chicken pox!

phrase of the day: even a blind squirrel finds a nut

A few years ago, Emily and JT created a Louwsma Dictionary to capture all the words and phrases our family uses. I still laugh as I read it, not just for the content but at the descriptions used. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do!

Even a blind squirrel finds a nut: lucky; to discount one's achievement and to attribute it to good fortune.